Guest Post: Who Should Come First Parent or Child?

Today I am welcoming Life Coach Tara with a guest post on the challenges of balancing needs and a special coaching opportunity.

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We all know the saying “I always put my child first” I often wonder why parents say this… I often wondered why “I” used to say this. Was it because I was trying to prove myself to others that I AM a great parent? Or trying to convince myself of this?

My Name is Tara & I’m a life coach for women. The interesting pattern that I have noticed working with women is that they often lack self love & acceptance of themselves and the patterns that this seems to take the ripple effect in their family and life as constant struggles with relationships (partners, children etc), low energy & lack of passion & purpose (motivation).

Who am I to say?

I’m a mum to 2 wonderful kids both under 3 years of age. They were both birthed at home naturally and pain free, they rarely wore nappies (Elimination communication), breast fed, co-slept, allowed to learn naturally & at their own pace… We do pretty much everything  in an unconventional way. Which leads me onto the conventional saying “I always put my child(ren) first”.

After my 2nd baby was born my life began to shift and re-think what life is really about. Naturally things began to unfold (along with multiple illnesses) and the one realization that I began to see more and more clearly was that I was not living my life. I was living my life THROUGH my children. They always came first, always got their every need met, especially before mine and if it wasn’t my kids I was caring for it was my hubby (cooking dinner, cleaning etc). Simply put I was living my life through everyone else. Even in my spare time I was reading books ‘about’ how to raise my children or have a better relationship with my hubby.

Guilty?

Most of us are guilty of the above… and guilty may not even be the right word because we all learnt from SOMEWHERE that this is what you need to “be” to be a good parent. I know that my mum taught me to put others first – always, but the interesting thing about my mum (which I love to bits) is that only now that she is over 50 she has realized how much this has stuffed her life up. I see many other women realizing once all their kids have ‘left the nest’ they simply don’t know what to do with themselves, they feel lost because now they only have to think about themselves… which is very intimidating and scary, considering that most of their life they have never really known themselves.

As I write this I feel my heart ache, because I’ve been there… lost, unsure of ‘why’ I’m living (only really through everyone else) and getting frustrated because I just KNEW that there was something bigger & better that I could be doing with my life. I wanted to do so many things for myself. I had hobbies that I loved to do but never had the ‘time’ OR I felt guilty about taking that time.

Positive Parenting Practice 

How does this all fit into positive parenting? Well let me say it like this: You’re trying your hardest to raise your child(ren) in a peaceful way so that they can grow to be thriving people in this world. If you’re raising your children this way and you are doing all the appropriate ‘actions’ to support them in their life and trying to stick to the ‘right words’ to help them grow rather than forcing…. These actions and words are great, BUT do you want to know a powerful secret (which you probably already know ;-)… Children learn from ‘seeing’ more so than words and actions. If you want your child to grow to be a thriving child… YOU need to be a thriving parent! So, lets talk about YOU…

Who are you? What do you love to do? What are your hobbies? What makes your heart sing? What would you do if you had more time? What are your wildest Dreams?

Reflecting back a year or so ago…these questions above I would simply be in denial and say… “well my children are everything”… and you can see in those words where I went wrong. If my children and ‘family’ are everything then where is there room for ME to live MY LIFE?

Is this you?

You’ve lost your Mojo (remember that drive you had before being a parent?) You’re always low on energy to get through the day? Struggle with your Child’s behavior and wonder where you have gone wrong? Doubt your parenting style? Your relationship with your partner really seems to be more like ‘house buddies’ instead of a loving relationship? or Like you’re constantly disagreeing with your partner and your different Ideas?

Do you find yourself saying: “when my kids are older I’ll be able to do so & so….”

Would like more of YOU in YOUR life? 

I am offering something very special to the readers here on this wonderful blog. I’m opening up some space for inspired mummas to allow time to speak 1 on 1 with only 8 inspired women here who want to create change in their life and put the YOU back in YOUR life.

If you want to: Find & use your natural woman/mumma power  to benefit you & your life (yes we all have it!) Discover how to conquer your challenge(s) in the easiest & fastest way possible & create the harmony & peacefulness that you desire…? And all the while continue on a positive parenting path, then consider entering this very special giveaway.

Thanks for reading here and thank you for creating a positive change in this world through your parenting style! 

Love ~ Laugh ~ Live

~ Tara Life Coach for Inspired Women  

You can find Tara on Facebook too.

To participate in this opportunity, please leave a comment below answering the question: Why do you want more you in your life? or simply say you are interested! (This offer is closed. Please contact Tara for other opportunities she may be offering!)

Tara is offering her coaching free of charge to eight readers. Terms and conditions of coaching are between Coach Tara and reader. Positive Parenting Connection has not received any compensation, holds no guarantees or liability for this offer and/or services provided by Coach Tara. 

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Ariadne is a happy and busy mama to three children. She practices peaceful, playful, responsive parenting and is passionate about all things parenting and chocolate. Ariadne has a B.S. in Communication, is a certified Positive Discipline Parenting Educator, and has completed several graduate courses in child development, psychology and family counseling. She lives on top of a beautiful mountain with her family, one cuddly dog and "bluey" the fish.

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31 thoughts on “Guest Post: Who Should Come First Parent or Child?

  1. I am guilty of worrying too much about everyone else’s happiness, in turn making myself miserable. :-/

    • oh Caitlin, I know this isn’t a nice place to be, but the great thing about this realisation is that you can move beyond it! If you feel you need more support around this please connect with me more <3

  2. I want more in my life because I feel like I am coasting through and setting a bad example for my daughter and husband. I am often so tired and lazy that I spend my days doing what I have to do then laying on the couch watching movie or on the internet. I feel like my daughter is never going to learn to enjoy herself because all I do is lay around. I really want to do more and be happy so my daughter can look back on her childhood with a million wonderful memories.

    • Hey Chloe!
      This is great that you can be honest with yourself and realise that you do want more. This really is a good starting point – the realisation! Not only can your daughter enjoy all the wonderful memories but so can YOU! She will remember you and a passionate and determined woman, this will live with her forever! Take that first step (If you want to connect more on this e-mail me)
      Love

  3. My son is 19 months old and I’m losing my way. Now that he needs more than the basics of babyhood (eat, sleep, diapers, tlc, etc), I’m paralyzed and caught in a cycle of guilt. I’d be so grateful to work with you!

  4. This would be lovely.
    It’s so hard being a single full time parent to 2 little boys and trying to make sure your own cup is full in order to help them fill theirs let alone anyone else.
    As a mother I want to show them, through myself, how to live a life full of joy. Although I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job lately.

    • Hey Jess,

      Wow! that is admirable! And trying to fill your own cup with everything else going on around you can be tricky. BUT the good news is that there are ways to make this work for everyone! Lets connect soon! Love to you!

  5. I’m definitely interested. I want to thrive within the context of positive, compassionate parenting. I know that when I’m not taking care of myself, I’m less motivated to do the things that make me a better parent and I’m more prone to engaging in power struggles with my son. It affects our relationship in a negative way which then feeds back in to my emotional & mental health and it becomes a vicious cycle.

    As a single Mama who is finally free of a long & unhealthy relationship, I often get lost in the daily details of just surviving, taking care of my son, managing the household, grad school, etc. I remember a time, years ago, when I wasn’t just in survival mode and could fully enjoy life.. and while I feel I’m oriented in that direction… the daily details (and resultant stress) often obscure the path to my own healing.

    I know that life is a blessing and time is short. I feel compelled to be my best, both for myself and my son. I don’t want to wait until he’s older.. I want us both to experience a thriving existence NOW. Any help and support I can find will be very appreciated. Thank you.

    • Spider, You deserve to have the ‘good life’ NOW! We all crave it, and think that it will just show up… it never does and we often get discouraged. but now is your time to shine, to be that powerful woman that you’re craving to be! Lets connect!

  6. Deep breath. I turned 45 this year. I am blessed with two wonderful teenage boys (17, 19) and a beautiful little 17 month old daughter who I had at 43. Life is truly great but reading this post from Tara hit me. I have a son who is just moving out, I’ve been parenting for nearly 2 decades and I need to find the energy and self love to keep going for another 20 so my daughter can grow up healthy and happy and fulfilled (through my best set example) and I can reach 60 feeling like I know who I am outside of a mother and a wife. Tara…can you guide me?

    • Amanda,

      I had tears well while reading this… It reminded me of the ‘pain’ of not living in your own body – always being an external for everyone else. Yes I would love to help guide you on this new journey that you crave! <3

  7. Thank you to all that have expressed interest in connecting with Tara. She will be contacting the 8 mama’s that replied first (based on the time stamp of your comment). I hope it will be a helpful and interesting experience!!

  8. Thank you beautiful women! You truly do all have such beauty and you all sound like you want to live the life that you have always wanted and now is the time! I feel a connection with you all, So if there are more than 8 women who feel they need the support… I would consider opening up more spaces/time
    Love & Support to you all!

  9. Pingback: how to let go of people in your life | Tara Lea | Life Coach for Inspired Women who want to Take their life to the next level!

  10. Hi Tara, I have been reading your blog for awhile and now feel ready for something like this. I would love to chat with you if you still have space.

    • Anna – I have emailed Tara your comment to make sure she sees it! THank you for stopping by :)

  11. Pingback: Sometime I find myself Hiding behind…. | ~ Tara Lea | Power Guidance Coach for Inspired Women

  12. I am reading this at a fortuitous time…. I have just started writing again and am trying to find time to do it. When I make time, I love it and feel vibrant with possibilities. But as a working mom of a 2 yr old “my” time seems to be miniscule..an hour a week maybe? It’s depressing and discourages me. And like you wrote, Tara, I start to doubt my parenting finesse when my daughter breaks down or takes two hours to fall asleep at night.

    Anyway, I know this response is a little late but if there’s any way possible, I’d love to be included or receive more ideas from Tara on getting more “me” time and balancing things in a way that empowers me. Thanks! :)

    • Hi Marcia,
      thank you for your interest – Tara’s offer was from last year and as such it is closed. I do encourage you to contact her via email or facebook to see what she has to offer right now as she is really lovely. Best wishes.

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